Have you ever been looking forward to a romantic evening with your spouse, when one of you inadvertently makes a comment that turns the rest of the night on its head? While you didn’t intend for things to devolve into a fight – they did anyway. We have probably all experienced this unraveling of an evening. So, I want to suggest three strategies to help you avoid this.
- Learn what each of your hot buttons are. If you know that a comment about your mother-in-law’s cooking will set things in motion, then avoid that topic. On the other hand, if your husband unintentionally brings up your mom’s cooking, recognize that this is one of your triggers and don’t necessarily interpret the comment as criticism.
- Most couples don’t want to fight (even though I know a few who thrive on it). So, when a fight is triggered or you sense one erupting, agree on a code word that you can use to defuse it. For example, I had one couple who would use the word “Muskrat” to communicate with their mate “I’m sorry. I love you and I really don’t want to fight.”
- Extend lots of grace. Oftentimes your spouse didn’t intend to take things downhill, but it just kind of went that way. If they attempt to catch themselves and correct their error – let them. When it comes to our communication mistakes, the best practice is to freely allow “do overs.”
While these three strategies won’t avoid all conflict they can certainly aid in defusing many of them. Why not give them a try!