My mother is the mildest mannered and least confrontational person that I know. So, it was interesting, and out of character, for her to recently comment to a family member, “I think if they took the word complain out of the English language, you wouldn’t have anything to say.”
Let’s face it, we like to whine and complain. “Can you believe how long this line is?” “The weather is unbelievably cold (or ridiculously hot).” “This city is too big with awful traffic.” “This town is Hicksville. How can anybody live here?” We can find something wrong in just about every situation.
Purdue professor Roxane Gay writes, “Complaining allows us to acknowledge the imperfect without having to take action – it lets us luxuriate in inertia.” She goes on to say, “I really don’t intend to change most of the things I complain about. Griping is seductive on those days when happiness requires too much energy.”
How often do you find yourself whining to your partner? Maybe it is related to things he or she promised to do for you but hasn’t yet. Perhaps it is with regard to parenting issues that they have not followed through on. Or it might have to do with their lack of attention and affection. We are pretty good at letting our partners know when we are dissatisfied or upset. But how similar are we to the Purdue professor? Are we also guilty of the fact that we want to complain but we really don’t want to do anything about it?
“Complaining may offer relief, but so does acceptance. There is no perfect place. There is no perfect life. There will always be something to moan about. By focusing on grievances, I risk missing out on precious startling moments of appreciation.” She makes a powerful statement here. One that reminds me that I don’t want to miss out.
I would urge you today to talk with your spouse and ask him or her to rate, on a scale of 1-10, how much you whine. I know that is not an easy task because you may be afraid of the answer. But it could be an awakening for you that would motivate you to notice the things that matter instead of complaining about the things that don’t.