“I’m really frustrated because I arrived home, expecting dinner, only to discover that nothing had even been done, no effort had even been made to start dinner!” Why did this person expect dinner to be ready? It might be because every other night dinner has been prepared. Or it could be that the person grew up in a household where dinner was always ready. There are any number of reasons. But expectations can trip us up.
Sometimes expectations come from assumptions that we make; possibly false assumptions; or even misunderstandings. Lack of clear communication often contributes to misplaced expectations. Sometimes we have expectations because we think “that’s how it ought to be,” “everyone knows that’s how it’s done.” But if your expectations aren’t met, then maybe that’s not how it’s always done.”
I have heard some individuals say that they have no expectations of their mate. “Really,” I ask.
So, I follow that up with, “How about if your spouse goes out and cheats on you? You don’t expect them to remain faithful to you?” “Well, of course I expect them to be true to me.” Ah, then we have expectations
You see, expectations themselves are not good or bad. There are certainly some, such as expecting loyalty from are mate, that most would consider reasonable. But expecting that your spouse is going to have your laundry done may not be, if it hasn’t been discussed and agreed upon.
The bottom line is this – expectations need to be communicated with mutual agreement. Better yet, replace expectations with gratitude and see what happens.