Most of us, at one time or another, have been in situations when we were angry, frustrated, or perhaps disappointed in our mate. This is normal. But the question then is, what do you do with those emotions?

Some might answer, “Well, I go somewhere quiet and decompress.” “I reflect on what happened to see if I might have been in the wrong.” But others, if they’re honest, might respond with, “I immediately call my best friend to vent.” Or, “I will complain to anybody who will listen to me.”

Healthy marriages can encounter challenging emotions, but what we do with those emotions can be critical. There can be a couple of important questions we need to ask ourselves, regardless of how we may feel: 1) Am I being respectful of him or her? and 2) Am I violating any kind of boundary?

Disrespect can quickly lead to the deterioration of marital trust. It is of utmost importance that if we feel the need to discuss a situation with a trusted friend, that we do so in a manner the affords our mate the utmost respect. We would desire that from them, therefore, we need to demonstrate that in our own conversation.

We need to be hypervigilant that we do not violate a boundary. This could be a topic that is deeply personal, that we have agreed never to talk about with others; or something that would permanently damage their relationship with the other person.

When we committed our lives to our partner, we did so with a trust that, even if nobody else would, he or she would have my back, protect my reputation, and watch out for my best interest. It is sometimes important to check in with ourselves and ask, “How am I doing with that?”