You’ve been married for 20 years plus. Life with your spouse has become predictable. For the most part, you know each other’s habits and idiosyncrasies, and maybe can even complete each other’s sentences. So, the question is – is there anything left to learn. While it may not feel as though there is, I would submit that there may be all kinds of surprises ahead – if you’ll look.
When you were first dating, learning new things was easy and fun. But now? You see, even though you may have been together for many years, and things seem pretty much unchanged, odds are that this picture is somewhat inaccurate. Hopefully, we continue to grow and learn, which, if we will allow it to, will change us as individuals. Because we live together every day, small changes may seem imperceptible. So, we may have to dig a little.
For example, you may know actions that your mate regularly takes. But do you know why? What’s the history? What’s behind that action? Learning the behind the scenes information may give you new insight and understanding. Twenty years ago, you knew her favorite dessert was carrot cake. But now she hardly ever eats that. Has her favorite dessert changed? There is one way to find out – ask.
When the kids are your focus, or the T.V. is blaring, may not be the best time to attempt a conversation. Try and find some time when the distractions are at a minimum, to talk about your relationship, struggles, dreams, and so on. You may discover an entirely new dimension to your spouse.
One other suggestion – try to be a little unpredictable. In other words, think outside the box, do something uncharacteristic, surprise him or her with something unexpected. This just might pique their curiosity to learn more about you as well. Have fun with this.