Author Willard Harley wrote a book years ago titled, “Love Busters.” In it he compared the love that we give and receive to our mate with managing our checking accounts. For example, with our bank accounts, we make deposits and withdrawals. Similarly, in our significant relationships, we make love deposits and love withdrawals. As long as our deposits exceed our withdrawals, we remain in good shape – whether that be with the bank or our relationships. But if it is reversed, our accounts can get overdrawn, which does not play out well.
I want to suggest today, four small things that you might try, that can make some ongoing small deposits in your mate’s love bank.
- Take care of all the logistical pieces in planning a date. This will allow your spouse to enjoy themselves rather than be concerned with picking where you’re going, finding a babysitter, and so on.
- Write an unexpected love note. My wife is great about that. It is always fun to be fishing with a couple of buddies in the summer and go to eat my lunch that my wife made for me, and there is a sweet note written on my napkin. It feels good!
- Express appreciation out of the blue. So many times we are aware of things our spouse may have done for us, but we are slow to verbalize it. Telling them what we appreciate makes a deposit into their love bank. Words are powerful.
- Unexpectedly take care of a chore that is normally completed by your mate. This will be a pleasant surprise, which they will notice.
Healthy relationships have larger deposits with fewer small withdrawals, while struggling marriages are often plagued with high overdraft costs. If you want to maintain a full love bank, you might try some of these tips.