Sometimes it may seem that other couples are happier than you. They laugh more and they just seem to enjoy each other more than you and your spouse. Are they just better matched or are they doing something differently? While I can’t speak to how naturally compatible they may be, I do find that most of them have “three feel goods.”
First, they feel good about how they communicate. The number one complaint that I hear from couples in my office is the help they need in learning to communicate more effectively. Once they practice and put in place better communication tools, they typically feel closer and more connected.
Secondly, they feel good about their mate’s ability to understand them during conflict. I sat with a couple just last night with this issue. She was really upset with her husband about an issue and he kept saying to her, “I understand.” They would talk some more and she would say, “I need you to understand.” Frustrated, he would again repeat “I understand,” thinking that should end the discussion. But it didn’t. Couples who can put themselves in other one’s shoes, and communicate this, feel much better about their relationship.
Finally, these couples make each other, and their relationship, a priority. They are a part of each other’s inner world, and as a result, they like spending time together. And they feel connected.
Improving communication skills, learning to understand your mate during conflict, and prioritizing your relationship can put you in the “three feel goods” category as well. Why not give it a try!