As a Marriage and Family Therapist, I talk with couples a lot about communication. We all know how to open our mouths and speak words, but that is no guarantee that we actually know how to communicate. Good communication requires a few skills combined with a lot of intentionality. Today I want to talk about three common barriers that, if we will overcome, will improve our communication with our partner.
Barrier #1 – We allow our tone or our body language to influence our interaction. Whether it is intentional, unintentional, or just clueless – that frustrated tone or the roll of the eyes communicates our seeming displeasure with the other person. If we could see ourselves in a mirror, we would understand our partner’s reaction. Being more aware of what they are seeing just might help us to overcome this obstacle.
Barrier # 2 – We jump to conclusions. This can happen so innocently. For example, you may have plans to see a concert this Saturday. Casually, your spouse makes a comment that another couple is stopping by on Saturday. Rather than hear your spouse out, you automatically assume that this will interfere with the concert, without waiting for the details. It turns out, it will not interfere. You just need to fully listen.
Barrier #3 – You are stressed and have difficulty mustering empathy. We have all been there. But perhaps if you can step out of your own stuff for a moment and listen with empathy to your mate, he or she just might able to empathetically hear you later.
These are all common barriers that we encounter. We can either brush them aside or we can strive to be intentional about how we engage. The choice is yours – but if you choose to tackle these head on, the results just might surprise you.