Recently, an article in the Chicago Tribune addressed problems that can occur when couples don’t like to watch the same TV shows. One person lounges in the living room watching crime shows such as Law and Order and NCIS, while the other holes up downstairs binging on the sports channel. While an occasional watching of different shows may not be a problem, spending evenings apart doing so may be a symptom of bigger issues.
Now you need to know, as I thought about this, the marriage therapist in me came out and wanted to scream, “Ah, why don’t you turn off the TV, look at each other, and have a conversation!” But I will reserve that (sort of) and address the issue that is important around TV watching. And that is – it is not nearly as important what shows you watch as it is how you spend your time in relation to each other.
Most couples come home from work after being a part all day. They have a few hours to relax in the evening. Some couples look for ways to maximize their time together, which may involve compromising on what they watch on TV together. Others find themselves evening after evening, watching their favorite shows in isolation from one another. When this happens, couples tend to lose their sense of intimacy and connection.
Yet, when couples are able compromise and find common ground in what they will watch together, they improve their negotiating skills as well as find a healthy way to communicate about their likes and dislikes. And successfully navigating a task that seems trivial, can help you as a couple when you face bigger issues in the future.
So, this week’s tip (actually two) – first, decide what is most important – your spouse or a particular TV program, and second, talk together about what to watch, talk about the show that you wind up watching, and discuss why spending time with them is a priority.