“And they lived happily ever after.” Whether we have read that line in storybooks or heard it in movies, if you have been married for any length of time, your “happy ever after bubble” probably burst a long time ago. But Why? What happened?
You may have felt that you were the luckiest person on earth when you met your spouse. You hit the jackpot. This person was perfect for you. But then something happened. As one client recently related, “Literally on our wedding day, it was like a switch flipped and he became a different person.” Now while it is not typically that dramatic for most people, there is a slow realization that takes place in which you learn your partner is less than perfect. Oh sure, they have virtues and other positive qualities that you love about them but they are also petty, cranky, and selfish – well – human. It would be nice to think that we are two precious metals forged together but as one author put it, a “Marriage is an alloy of gold and tin.”
So how do recovery from the disappointment of this lost dream? Researchers have discovered that when we hit the “jackpot” so to speak – we experience a lucky event and while it is nice, it does not create long-term happiness. Satisfaction and building a bond that lasts comes from realization and work. Realization that I married a flawed, broken, and yet lovely individual (kind of like ourselves), and then deciding to do the intentional work to build it into something amazing.
Many disillusioned couples have concluded that “happily ever after” is a myth. But I would contend that it needn’t be. If you will commit yourself this week to loving your flawed spouse and choosing to see him or her as God sees them, you can, starting today, begin creating “Happily ever after.”