It was recently brought to my attention that there is a disease that most of us have experienced, if we are parents. It is one that we have rarely named, but we know when it is happening. One author calls it Kid-Related Marital Friction. Even as I write that term, there are probably a variety of emotions that you begin to feel: guilt, shame, anger, frustration, even desperation.
It is those times when we are not on the same page with our parenting styles (and we will never always be). Yet, we need to rise to the occasion and accomplish the task of parenting – in a manner that engages both our spouse and our kiddos in a healthy and honoring manner.
Dr. Foster Cline suggests a number of strategies to accomplish this task and I want to highlight four of those here:
- Put your marriage first. This is critical, important, essential, significant, and any other words that I can think of to stress the point. Your spouse deserves the first place of love and honor in your life. And when that is provided, kids behave better.
- Agree to parent differently as long as you are both supporting your agreed upon core values.
- Don’t allow your kids to manipulate you. Kids are masters at splitting parents and getting them to turn against each other. When you allow this to happen, the kids are able to deflect the issue. They win and you and your spouse lose.
- Don’t ever take sides with your kids against your spouse or sabotage your partner’s actions. This will erode security and trust between you and your spouse as quickly as anything can.
So my relationships tip this week is, if you have children, try these strategies together and avoid K.R.M.F disease.