I own a 1985 Firebird, having bought it in July of 1985. It has been a great car with lots of memories. However, after about 20 years and nearly 250,000 miles, it was time to park it and get something that made a little more sense to drive in Colorado, and so I did. The Firebird was tired, the engine no longer had the power it once had, and the transmission was slipping. I would drive it once in awhile, but about 3 or 4 years ago – it really just sat parked. I knew that I would save my nickels and dimes and eventually begin to put it back into shape. A few months ago, I began to – by having a rebuilt engine and transmission put in it. Once again it came to life and was drive able. Yet, it just didn’t seem to have the get up and go that it should have had and didn’t run very smoothly. I drove it for all of 450 miles when the engine blew. Not what I expected after waiting all of this time. But the shop pulled out the engine and put another one in. Now it runs smoothly, with power, as it should. But what happened with the old engine that only lasted 450 miles? The engine manufacturer discovered that there was a crack in cylinder number 4. There is a process when rebuilding an engine that is called “magnaflux”, a procedure where they use liquid and pressure to find any cracks, no matter how small. But somehow they had missed this one. As a result, the crack only got bigger and more exposed as the car was driven – until the engine would no longer perform.
Similarly, I see couples in my office who seem to be doing fairly well in their relationship, until pressures come: the kids are in trouble, there are financial concerns, or in-law issues. The list of possibilities can be lengthy. However, here they sit – with their identified issue as to what they think the problem is – which is rarely the real issue. There are underlying cracks in the relationship (just like with the engine), that existed all the time, but were not visible until the pressures came. The pressures simply exposed the cracks, exposed the problems that were there all along – the miscommunications, the lack of attention to the relationship, self-centeredness, unkindness, and so on.
In the magnafluxing process, the pressure is supposed to reveal the cracks so that appropriate steps can be taken to avoid the very problem I experienced. Pressures in our marriages and relationships can serve the same purpose. They can be an opportunity to reveal areas of weakness so that we know better where to focus our efforts and attention to improve our relationships. I encourage you this week, as you experience pressures – remember – pressures are not the problem. But they will expose the areas that are and that need my focus. What cracks are you seeing this week?