Even after all my years of counseling couples and hearing just about everything imaginable uttered in my office, I am still often taken aback by issues that present themselves for disagreement. David and Kelly had only been married a few weeks when they were shopping in the quaint stores in Carmel, along the California coast. They came across some coffee table coasters that they decided to buy but couldn’t agree on whether they should be a solid color or have a pattern on them. The discussion became so heated that they left the store, went back to their hotel, and didn’t speak for the rest of the day. While that may seem ridiculous, we have all been in a similarly ridiculous situation at some point in time. I’m happy to say that this couple is still married 20 years later and they have both learned some important truths about how to make their “I dos” last. I want to share some of these tips or “truths” below,
- Realize and acknowledge that you are responsible for your own happiness. Many times we get married with the anticipation that my spouse now has the job of making me happy. Yet, nothing could be further from the truth. Whether I am married, single, or divorced – only I can make me happy. It is a belief system, a perspective, and yes – even a choice. Realizing this truth takes faulty expectations off the table.
- Even after becoming a parent – remember to take a break. I remember growing up in Houston and my friend Mike Johnson lived across the street. I recall that everyday when his dad got home from work, we were not allowed in the living room. For the first half hour that his dad was home – his parents spent the time alone without the children, catching up on the day. They processed and debriefed and made a statement in doing so, which was – you are important and this relationship is a priority. As a kid, I thought this was weird and out of the norm. While it was weird, as I had never seen such, it was the most lovingly normal thing that a couple could do for their relationship.
What are you doing this week to make your “I Dos”, to make your relationship last?