My kids would say that I am showing my age here when I talk about “old tapes.” Those could be referring to cassettes, VHS, Beta, 8 Track, and so on – if you’re old enough to remember those. For those of you who are younger – just replace the word “tape” with MP3, flash drive, or some other form of digital storage. Because what I am referring to here is past events, or recollections of those events. In talking about “old tapes” people are often referring to things that “push their buttons” or perhaps dysfunctional patterns of relating.
You may recall as kids your musical tastes began to develop around whatever music was popular at the time but that growth seemed to slow down before you exited your teens. As a result, a song may begin to play that you haven’t heard in 25 years and somehow you know most of the words, even though you have forgotten what your wife asked you to do 5 minutes ago. Those “old tapes’ or songs are engrained in your brain.
But it is not just the lyrics that are etched in your neural cells, there are also a variety of emotions attached as well. You may hear music that immediately takes you back to that high school dance or a song that reminds you of your “first love.” Those “old tapes” are powerful. When they recreate positive emotions, they are pleasant. When they transport us to a simpler or easier time, we enjoy the emotional break. We will complete these thoughts next week. But in the meantime I would encourage you to look for ways that your partner says or does things that remind you of happy experiences you have shared together – and then you might even take it a step further and talk about those memories.