What is the most prominent problem in marriage? You might be thinking – your wife or husband. But I would argue they are a person not a problem. Many marriage experts have suggested that the biggest factors leading to troubled marriages are items such as: technology, children, pornography, stress, or finances. But blogger Malinda Fuller contends that the number one marriage killer is – (drum roll please) – Us. She writes (and I am adapting for here) that there are four things that couples do that erode the foundations of a healthy marriage.
First, it is easy to embrace the bare minimum. We want to go to one marriage counseling session and have our spouse changed and our marriage fixed. It is too much trouble to commit to regular date nights or reading an entire marriage book together. “We desire a thriving marriage without the work.”
Second, we are impatient. The microwave isn’t fast enough, the high speed internet is too slow, and we order products from Amazon to be shipped overnight – not because we need them in a hurry; we just don’t want to wait three days.
Third, we are afraid of conflict. We fear that any meaningful conversation about real life kid/couple/family issues will result in an argument. So we turn on the TV rather than talk. We carry on Facebook or texting conversations as though they were real relationships. “We prefer distractions over conversations.”
Fourth, we are afraid to admit that we have weaknesses. We fear being seen as inadequate and we allow our insecurities to dictate how we live.
So, what are we to do? We recognize that our marriage is not a quick fix but is a process that takes time. We begin to cherish each other rather than take one another for granted. We show kindness rather than blame. “We work hard and choose patience. We embrace conflict and admit weakness. We reflect on the vows we exchanged and the covenant we entered into together. We remember the promise we made for a marriage that thrives and we never settle for mediocre.”