Do you remember the first date you had with your spouse? Now I know that in this day and time with long distance internet dating there may be some strange stories out there around first dates. But for most people, the first date was good enough to led to another and then another – then to an engagement and eventually a wedding. Most remember those early days with fondness because it seemed easy and it just sort of happened. But then somewhere along the way, after the wedding, marriage happened.
Eventually those cute things she said while dating were irritating once you lived together. His forgetfulness that was so endearing before, now drives you up a wall. Why? Because marriage requires effort. While that might not seem a profound statement, I can’t tell you the number of couples that come into my office and seemed shocked to find out that they need to work at their relationship. They really seemed to have thought that it would “just happen” without any effort.
The hard truth is that it won’t “just happen.” If we will invest the effort, we can reap the benefits. In other words, if I want my marriage to reap dividends, I will have to be as intentional about investing in it as I am my 401K.
Today’s tip is around one element of intentionality – and that is “grace.” You see, even with effort, my spouse will still do things that bug me, as I will similarly do things that irritate her. But if I will focus on offering grace as opposed to criticism, we can move a long way towards getting forward traction. Dr. Tim Kimmel defines grace this way, “Giving your spouse something he or she desperately needs, but doesn’t deserve.” I want that – and I am guessing that you do too. 0Try giving a dose of grace and see what happens.