Whether we realized or not, when we married our spouse, we probably went into the marriage with a set of expectations. We most likely weren’t even aware that we did so – that is, until our expectations crashed into each other’s. For example, you may have grown up in a very traditional household where your…
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I sat with a couple yesterday that are having enormous problems with connection. He feels that his wife is aloof and doesn’t want to connect with him, which couldn’t be less true. She is feeling that he has no idea what makes her tick nor does he have a desire to. They both say it…
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Do you remember as a kid, playing a game such as kick-ball, volleyball, miniature golf, or any number of other games – when someone would make an initial mistake and would immediately say “Do-over?” It was if they were saying, “That mistake I made didn’t really happen. I want another shot at it.” And as…
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Now that I have your attention, you may be thinking a variety of things. Some may say, “Nothing is better,” while others may think, “Lots of things are.” Regardless of which camp you may fall into, sexual intimacy, when approached with love in a lifelong relationship, is potentially one of the most bonding activities a…
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We all have them – triggers. However, we are not all aware that we do or even what they are. For example you may notice that you are talking with your spouse and they make an innocent comment, such as “You know what you should do,” and suddenly your stomach begins to churn and you…
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Author Willard Harley wrote a book years ago titled, “Love Busters.” In it he compared the love that we give and receive to our mate with managing our checking accounts. For example, with our bank accounts, we make deposits and withdrawals. Similarly, in our significant relationships, we make love deposits and love withdrawals. As long…
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Have you ever heard someone make the statement, “He/She just brings out the worst in me?” Usually, the statement is made by the person who has just reacted angrily, said something inappropriate, or done something foolish. But rather than own their misbehavior, they attempt to place the blame on the other person by making it…
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How would you sum up what a great apology looks like? You probably want it to be sincere, but what else? There are certainly things that can cancel out an apology. For example, if someone has deeply hurt you and they toss a flippant “Sorree,” your way, I doubt that you feel any better. You…
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We often hear that “It’s not the quantity of time we have together but the quality of time that counts.” While this isn’t completely accurate, because we need a certain quantity of time in order to have quality time. I mean, if I have good quality time with my spouse for 5 minutes a day,…
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You’ve been married for 20 years plus. Life with your spouse has become predictable. For the most part, you know each other’s habits and idiosyncrasies, and maybe can even complete each other’s sentences. So, the question is – is there anything left to learn. While it may not feel as though there is, I would…
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