Emotions are feelings that we all experience. Some emotions we think of as positive – such as love, hope, optimism, and joy. Others we often perceive as negative – hate, anger, pessimism, and resentment. However, I would submit that there really aren’t positive and negative emotions. Feelings just are. We may be happy or sad and feel love or anger. There is nothing wrong with feeling what we feel.
At the same time, there may be emotions that don’t always serve us well. For example, consider some of the following:
- Regret – we wish we had done things differently – that we had been kinder or funnier
- Fear – that we will be exposed and perhaps be humiliated or punished
- Guilt – an awareness of wrongdoing
- Shame – a belief that we haven’t simply done wrong but that we are actually bad as a person. This could even be expanded to include Self-loathing and Disgust
Some of the adjectives used by one author to describe shame are – “the freefall-whiplash shock of believing that we . . . have caused harm,” and that “We are unacceptable.”
Shame for the sake of shame can be very destructive to our self-concept and overall emotional health. However, our emotions do serve a purpose when kept in perspective. For example, sometimes I feel guilty when I haven’t done anything wrong. But, of course, there are other times when I feel guilty because, well, I am. In those instances, I may need to take a course of action to make amends.
But the most reassuring principle is that if I have actually done something wrong, whether the one I have wronged will forgive me or not, I have a Savior who is faithful to forgive when I repent of my actions. He will take away all of my shame and fill me with hope – something I can’t do on my own, no matter how hard I try. Now those are emotions that require no struggles!