In 2016 Psychology Today called attention to the fact that smartphones fragment human consciousness. They contend that the habitual use of smartphones lowers our ability to be empathetic as well as diminishes the “quality of conversation.”
This is our third in a series addressing technology and our relationships. In the first post we looked at how easy it has become to find ourselves feeling alone, even though we are physically in the same place as our spouse. Last week we looked a little deeper at some of the dangers of what was termed “technoference.” Today I want to discuss some unintended by-products of our smartphones.
The above report went on to state that when cell phones are present, “people have the constant urge to seek out information, check for communication, and direct their thoughts to other people and worlds.” As this happens, people begin to feel that, even though you might be physically present, you are emotionally absent. The result is a decreased likelihood that the other person will self-disclose.
Relationship researcher John Gottman talks about the importance of the rhythms of interaction. Couples have unstructured moments, in each other’s company, when their attention is not drawn somewhere else, that naturally produce spontaneous interactions, laughter, and unexpected, yet significant, connections. These are the “hallmarks of satisfying relationships.” There is a real danger that, whether riding in the car or watching TV with your mate, the constant presence of our smartphone may cause us to miss important opportunities for connection.
This week’s tip is – be more intentional in creating space that allows for the kind of interactions and responses which grow out of the natural ebb and flow of uninterrupted relationship. In other words – when you are present with your spouse – really be “present!”