“You’re with your other husband again,’ Marilyn’s only husband would say every time she turned to her cellphone while the two were driving to dinner. She thought he was just being his witty-self.” But then his words began to get to her.
In the last couple of years, I have written increasingly about our preoccupation with technology. Twenty years ago I might have written about the amount of time people were spending on their computer. But even that didn’t compare to the intrusion into our world and lives that cellphones have presented. In the past two to three years, this subject is the topic of conflict in more and more couples who I see in my office.
Over the next three weeks, I want to address different aspects of how this plays out in our most precious relationships. While I will discuss them primarily with regard to our partners, they would also be just as true in our relationships with our children, parents, friends, and so on.
As Marilyn, mentioned above, realized – she was torn. She wanted to have time together with her husband but she also, as the owner of a business, wanted to “check out Facebook to get that instant charge of discovering what’s happening and what people are saying about the company.” What became clear to her was that her husband felt disconnected and left out. He felt “alone together.”
As one MIT psychologist noted, “The net teaches us to need it.” The problem often times is that we create an atmosphere where our spouse can begin to feel that we need that email, texting, or Facebook connection for than we need them.
So, as we begin to dig into this issue a little deeper in the coming weeks, I encourage you to use this week to “take inventory.” Be aware of just how often you find yourself looking at your cellphone while you are in the presence of someone else. Take note of those times when you find yourself “together” with someone, but perhaps feeling “alone” at the same time.