I recently met with a client who is experiencing some struggles in his marriage. While the struggles aren’t easy, he doesn’t see them as insurmountable because he states with confidence that he and his wife are, and always have been, best friends.
Some couples started out as friends before dating, while others began dating, getting romantically and sexually involved quickly, without ever becoming friends. These couples often later regret that they didn’t first build their friendship. However, even if you fall into that category, it is never to late to become friends with your mate.
I want to briefly suggest three steps to becoming better friends.
- Be interested in your spouse’s day to day life. Sure, you may have been married for many years, but there are still things you don’t know about them. Such as – why they like chips and queso but not guacamole? Or what is about a particular TV show that captures their interest.
- Listen well. It is easy to dismiss advice from our partner because they tell us things all the time and we don’t think much about it. But have you ever experienced your husband or wife minimizing advice that you give them only to hear someone else give them the same advice and they hang on that person’s every word? Listen to your mate as you would your friends – if you want to be friends.
- Have each other’s back. One of the worst betrayals that couples often experience is when in family or friend relationships, their spouse “throws them under the bus” rather than supporting them. Having your mate’s back is critical to building a lasting friendship.
While there are many other steps that could be listed, I encourage you to start with these three to begin laying a foundation of friendship for your marriage.