Now at first glance, you may think that the title is asking whether you are personally improving in your emotional life or whether you are continuing in some kind of pain? And while that might be a valid question, this is asking something entirely different. The question for you to consider today is more along the lines of, are you a source of healing for your spouse or do you cause more injury?
A study published in 2017 in Psychological Science examined how the spouses of patients with osteoarthritis responded to them. There were three possible responses: 1) be empathetic by showing emotional support, 2) be solicitous by taking over tasks for the patient and encouraging rest, and 3) be punitive by expressing frustration.
The study found that the only patients who had improved physical functioning 18 months later were those whose spouses responded with empathy. While these results aren’t necessarily earth shattering, I mean it is probably the result one might expect, it is certainly confirming of those suspicions. It is truly a reminder that how I treat my spouse can have a concrete effect on his or her physical well-being. So, I encourage you to ask yourself these two questions – are you empathetic or punitive with your mate? And in turn, are you healing or hurting?