I just finished sitting with a couple who are exhausted! In the last four years they have moved to 5 different states, one of them has been fighting off a significant health challenge, and they are attempting to navigate life with an 18 year old high school senior with ADHD. So, if you were guessing, which of those issues do you think they came in to see me about? Well, actually the answer is – none of them.
They are seeking therapy to rebuild closeness and connection in their marriage. You see, with all of the stressors mentioned above, they have lost sight of each other. This is not uncommon with the kinds of life changes they have been undergoing. They have been in survival mode. But I want to suggest some steps that a couple might take that can mitigate the toll these kinds of stressors can present.
- The first step is to endeavor to get on the same page. Things you can do to help this are: to commit to each other to honestly discuss the pros and cons of why you are doing what you are, and to not move forward if there is not agreement. Too often, couples will rush into a decision without even knowing why they are about to take a particular action.
- It is important to look ahead to potential obstacles and determine how you can best meet each other’s needs as you are encountering these challenges. It is best to check in with one another to makes certain those needs are being addressed along the way.
- Acknowledging that change is stressful, because it inevitably is, discuss ahead of time how you will communicate both love and respect to each other when you hit those tense moments.
Life changes can pull us apart or they can draw us closer. If you are facing major life changes, perhaps these three suggestions can be of benefit. I hope you have a great day!