Chicago psychologist, Nicole Martinez reported that in a study of young married women, “70 percent reported that face-to-face conversations were stopped in their tracks by a partner’s phone use or even active texting.” These intrusions have been referred to by some as “technoference.”
We began last week to take a look at some of the ways that technology impacts relationships. Discussing our increasing dependence on our internet world, we identified how easy it is for us, or our significant others, to be together and yet feel excluded, isolated, and alone.
Study after study, such as the 2014 Pew Research survey, report that increasing numbers of couples are experiencing conflict related to mobile devices. A research team from Virginia Tech observed couple’s conversations in a coffee shop setting and reported what they called “the iPhone Effect.” Merely having a smartphone present, even if not is use – just on the table – degraded private conversations, causing partners to be “less willing to disclose deep feelings and less understanding of each other.”
While these experiences aren’t new, they are increasingly invading our relational world. When a wife found it difficult to pry her husband’s attention away from a football game on television, at least when they left the TV, that distraction was set aside. But in today’s culture, we no longer leave the technology behind – we take it with us everywhere. And therefore, its incessant intrusion is seldom further than our finger tips.
I urge you this week to be intentional about engaging in personal face-to-face interactions with your spouse, while leaving the phone on silent in a completely different room. While I know for some, they are afraid the withdrawal shakes may set in, give it your best shot. I would love to know about your experiences.