I know that this isn’t an actual word, but it is a term I came across recently that I thought was very fitting. Elevating our children to a level of priority that was never intended and is actually unhealthy for all involved is to what “childolatry” refers.
Studies consistently report that couples who do more things together alone are happier. Yet, a large number of parents today are spending increased time parenting their children and less time with each other, entertaining friends, or engaged in leisure activities. As one author expressed it, “We expect more from our marriages but feed them less.” “The end of the ‘go out and play, and don’t come home till dinner’ era has sucked the life out of our marriages.”
Paralleling this trend are the findings that in the past 20 years we have seen a generation of children who have had to do little on their own, are more financially dependent on their parents, and are moving back home in increasing numbers. How did this happen? We did it!
How did this happen? The answers range from, “We want to make life easier for our kids,” to “Their other parent and I went through a divorce over which I feel guilt. Requiring less of them makes me feel better.”
Whatever the reason for this change in focus, if we want our relationship with our spouse to be strong and healthy, we have to make that focus the number one priority. Together we will parent our kids. But before long, they will be off beginning their own journey. Who will be left then? Don’t wait until then to discover that you are living with a stranger. Decide this week to schedule time to connect with your spouse. As author John Gartner so aptly expressed, “On airplanes, in the event of an emergency, we are instructed to put the oxygen mask on our own faces first, and then on the children. Perhaps we need to do the same with our marriages.”