A few years ago, a friend of mine shaved off his mustache, which he had been sporting for a number of years. One evening while he and his wife were out to dinner with some mutual friends, the other couple asked, “Hey, when did you shave your face?” Quickly turning her head in surprise, his wife asked, “What – you shaved your mustache off? When did you do that?” He replied, “About a month ago.” For an entire month she hadn’t noticed the change.
Psychologist Ellen Langer points out the fact that we get so familiar with our spouses that we often stop noticing. But just because we aren’t paying attention doesn’t mean that they have stopped changing. And if you are unaware, you are probably missing out. She states that “Once we think we know another person so well that we don’t pay attention to them anymore, the person stops being seen.”
One study discovered that when non-football fans jotted down things they noticed while watching a game, they actually became more enthusiastic about the sport. Jesus made a similar statement, “Where you treasure is, there your heart will be also.” Our passions tend to align with our engagement. What we focus on captures our heart.
My tip this week – Notice! Notice what your mate is wearing, what he is interested in, how she is growing intellectually and spiritually, as well as what causes them to feel sad or glad. Notice! Once you really begin to rediscover the things that make your partner tick, you might be amazed by them all over again. I would love to know what kinds of things you learn.