As most couples approach marriage, they usually have dreams of partnering with their future mate in ways that allow them to be companions and teammates. They hope to be on the same page. However, as time goes by, and they discover glaring differences, they often are prone to petty criticisms.
For example, I recently had a client in my office who is willing to derail a potentially good weekend with his spouse, just to be able to have the last word in a disagreement. They were actually having a discussion that was getting heated when he suggested they table the discussion until the next day. His wife responded with, “That’s a good idea.” He saw her simple response as her having to get the last word. And with that interpretation, the next several days were cold and distant.
Keeping score in this manner never ends well. As a matter of fact, the Apostle Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 13:5 that love “keeps no record of wrongs.” Why? Because it derails our ability to be on the same team.
So many times, when couples have a conflict, it feels as though they are on opposing sides – and only one of them will come out a winner. But a simple shift in thinking could allow them to view themselves as sitting shoulder to shoulder, on the same side, working together to find a solution to their problem.
I am aware that this can sound like an over-simplification that is much more difficult in real time. So, please know that I understand it is not that easy. However, trying the small shift in thinking could be the beginning of a change in interactions – which could lead to a more team like approach in your marriage. It is certainly worth a try.