“Well, that’s a silly question – of course I do. It’s everyone else that doesn’t.” OK – if we are honest, we will readily admit that we are far from having it “all together.” And yet, when it comes to our most important relationships, we often resist admitting that we make mistakes. Rather than expose our vulnerabilities and own our blunders, we get defensive and continue to hammer home our point or exert our “rightness” even when we know better. But why?
Think about how you feel when your spouse hurts you in some way. Rather than admit it and apologize, they double down and argue with you, trying to prove their point. The more they pursue this course of action the more angry and resentful you become. If only they would be vulnerable and admit their mistake you could move past this. But instead, they dig their heels in. It never helps and it drives you crazy – right?
But here is the crazy part – when the roles are reversed, we tend to do the same thing. If your spouse would admit they don’t have it all together – you would love them all the more. My guess is – they would too. Try it.