That’s not a difficult question to answer. Of course they do – many times the same way that we disappoint them. So, maybe a better question to ask would be – what are some good ways to handle disappointment, because it will happen? I want to share a few productive steps that we can take when we encounter disappointment.
While our natural inclination is to blame our mate when we are disappointed, the first step that we should take is to look at our own role in the situation. For example, did we have unrealistic expectations? Did we set ourselves up for disappointment? Many times, expectations have not been clearly communicated, therefore, the lack of clarity contributes to our disappointment.
Frequently, when we are let down, we may tend to bottle up our feelings, yet doing this only tends to build resentment. It is important that we communicate our emotions with our spouse. Letting them know how we are feeling can provide the opportunity to have some productive interaction. Having a better understanding of each other’s expectations may prevent some, not all, future disappointments.
Open communication is similarly important when we discover that our spouse is disappointed in us. While it is easy to get defensive, it will be much more helpful if we can acknowledge his or her feelings without doing so. When we go into self-protective mode, it can easily shut down communication.
So, the next time disappointment impacts your most significant relationship, do your best to: not attack, not close up, and avoid getting defensive but instead – clearly state as well as acknowledge feelings, working to find better solutions and, in turn, common ground.