As we have looked at commitment in our last two times, we have examined the importance of following through on the things that we say we will do and remembering the big picture during times of conflict. Today I want to look at how we treat our mate when he or she is not present.
Not that long ago I had a couple in my office with a very fractured relationship. The wife simply did not trust her husband. It wasn’t so much that she feared he would be unfaithful or lose the house in a poker game – she feared what he would say when she wasn’t present. You see, he had, on more than one occasion, been known to complain to his friends, family, even their kids, about various things she had done that he didn’t like. She had talked with him about this, asking him to not do this as it was detrimental to her relationships with these people. While he said he would stop, he continued to “throw her under the bus,” as it made him look good. But as this continued, it is no surprise that this became detrimental to THEIR relationship.
The face of genuine commitment looks very different from this behavior. In a committed relationship, love works to protect the other person – their feelings, their reputation, and their relationships. This concept is reinforced by the Apostle Paul’s writings in I Corinthians 13:7 when he states that love always protects.
I urge you to examine how you speak about your spouse when they are not present. Do you build them up to others or do you have the tendency to disparage them. Let’s demonstrate our commitment to them by loving and protecting them today. I am sure that we would want them to do that for us.