At first I intended to just use excerpts of this letter in my comments. However, I fear my comments would pale in comparison to the power of the letter as it stands. Ronald Reagan wrote this letter to his son on the eve of his wedding. They are powerful words for all men.
June 1971
Dear Mike:
You’ve heard all the jokes that have been rousted around by all the “unhappily marrieds.” But there is another viewpoint. You have entered into the most meaningful relationship there is in all human life. It can be whatever you decide to make it.
Some me feel their masculinity can be proven only if they play out in their own lives all the locker-room stories, smugly confident that what a wife doesn’t know won’t hurt her. The truth is, somehow, way down inside, a wife does know, and with that knowing, some of the magic of the relationship disappears. There are more men griping about marriage who kicked the whole thing away themselves than there can ever be wives deserving of blame. There is an old law of physics that you can get out of a thing only as much as you put in it. The man who puts into the marriage only half of what he owns will get that out.
Let me tell you how really great is the challenge of proving your masculinity and charm with one woman for the rest of your life. It takes quite a man to remain attractive and to be loved by a woman who has heard him snore, seen him unshaven, tended to him while he was sick, and washed his dirty underwear. Do that and keep her still feeling a warm glow, and you will know some very beautiful music. If you truly love a girl, you shouldn’t ever want her to feel, when she sees you greet a girl you both know, that humiliation of wondering if she was someone who caused you to be late coming home.
Mike, you know better than many what an unhappy home is and what it can do to others. Now you have a chance to make it come out the way it should. There is no greater happiness for a man than approaching a door at the end of a day knowing someone on the other side of that door is waiting for the sound of his footsteps.
Love, Dad
P.S. You’ll never get in trouble if you say “I love you” at least once a day.