One of my favorite music groups growing up (and still today) was the Beatles. Ringo Starr, who was the group’s drummer, has been married to his wife Barbara for more than 30 years. In this day and age, that is rare, and even more so for a famous musician. He said that the secret to their longevity and success is “I’m just blessed that she puts up with me. I love the woman. She loves me. There are less down days than up, and we get on really well. We spend a lot of time together. That’s the deal.” I love the straight forward simplicity of what he said. He recognizes that their relationship isn’t perfect, and he realizes that sometimes they may tolerate things that they aren’t particularly fond of. But they love each other. And that love is born out in action in that they “spend a lot of time together.”
Which comes first – the feelings of love or the choice to spend time together? As we have looked at in the past, actions nearly always precede feelings. I would suggest that Ringo and Barbara have positive feelings for one another because they have made spending time together a priority. People who are intentional about finding time to spend together, who work to discover new ways to enjoy each other’s company, typically learn that this fosters an increased desire to do more of it.
As you think about how you spend your free time in the evenings or weekends, is your spouse at the top of that list? Have you created an environment in which you look forward to your times together – whether it is going for a hike or simply sitting on the couch talking and dreaming and planning together? I encourage you this week to find new and significant ways to enjoy the company of your spouse – and let him or her know of your desire to do so. If you want to create a desire to spend time together, it begins with an intentional decision to – spend time together. “That’s the deal.”