You get home from work and once again your spouse has . . . . (fill in the blank). It could be – left the dirty dishes in the sink, didn’t feed the dog, left the dirty laundry on the floor, or numerous other possibilities. And with this repeated annoyance – the conflict begins.
What do you have conflict about? I am sure you can quickly put together a list. But the important thing to remember is this – the conflict is typically not so much about the issue as it is how you deal with the conflict. People approach conflict in all kinds of ways. Some are competitive while others withdraw and avoid. Giving in is the approach use by many, while collaboration is not utilized by nearly enough.
How you resolve conflict is important for you, your spouse, and even your kids. You see, our children will enter their situations of conflict usually approaching it like we do. In other words, what is modeled for them is what they will replicate – even if it doesn’t work. So, we have to ask ourselves – 1) is my style of conflict management working for me, and 2) is this the best way for my child to experience success in resolving conflict?
Research has shown the kids who know more about the successes and failures of their family in confronting conflict demonstrate greater resilience and do a better job at handling their own problems, disagreements, and levels of stress.
With that in mind, I want to encourage you to take a look at how you approach issues of disagreement with your spouse. Perhaps you are doing an amazing job at this. However, if not, consider trying a different approach. Your entire family can benefit from it!