Now that may seem like a strange question. You may be thinking, “I don’t want to ‘use’ my friends. That wouldn’t be good.” And I agree. I am asking more about the role that your couples friends play in your own marriage.
For example, I know of couples who feel as though their mate never listens to their complaints or concerns. They feel treated as though the things that are important to them, are somehow silly or insignificant. As a result, they use the time with their couples friends to zing or embarrass their spouse because they know that their spouse can’t respond with condescension, without looking petty and unloving. This is not a fair way to use your friends.
Others use their friends as a source of camaraderie and support. Perhaps you and the other couple are both pulling your hair out trying raise teenagers. Or maybe your partner relationships have hit some similar struggles. Trusting enough to be transparent may result in unexpected benefits for you and your spouse.
Another positive that can take place is that you may see a side of your partner that you had long forgotten about or have come to take for granted. If your husband is funny or your wife seems more charming, when you are with other people, it may bring back memories of the reasons that you fell in love with them in the first place. Sometimes we are able to see our mates in a fresh light through the time spent with our couples friends.
So, how do you use your friends? Rather than using the interactions to release pent up frustrations toward your spouse, I encourage you to take the opportunity to build bridges of support for your mate as well as your friends. That is a win-win!