I’m sure this will come as no surprise to you, but people are stressed during the holidays. You are probably thinking, “Duh!” It is always interesting to see what things are the most triggering for my clients. For one couple it was who was going to be in charge of the menu and letting other family members know what they could bring. While for another couple it was differing temperaments – she is an extrovert while he is an introvert. For him, family gatherings were truly exhausting. So, what can you do to eliminate stress? I want to make three suggestions.
1) Make certain that your priorities are aligned. For one of you it is the decorations, the music, and all of the holiday activities that fulfill you. However, your mate may be wanting more time just to hang out with family. Be sure to communicate your needs and desires with each other and work to understand what is important to the other person and why. Learn to compromise in a way that honors both sets of needs.
2) Discuss money. Some want to buy everybody everything for Christmas while the other person is worried about how much debt you are both going into to pull off the event. Money conversations can be difficult – but necessary. Again, look for ways to respect both perspectives and find ways to compromise.
3) Agree upon appropriate boundaries. Invariably you will find there are particular family members who are very self-focused and perhaps emotionally demanding. You may need to develop a plan together limiting how much time you spend with that individual or even ways to excuse yourself from conversations. Boundaries are not ways to be mean but are actually the result of healthy choices that can benefit you as well as the relationship.
Holidays needn’t be overly stressful. You might find these three steps helpful in creating happier holidays. You may have some of your own steps that have been helpful in eliminating stress. If so, I would love to hear them.