Remember as a kid when your mom told you, “No dessert before dinner,” but then she caught you eating half a dozen cookies? Most likely your response was, “Sorry.” Was it sincere? In January 2013, Lance Armstrong, the seven-time Tour de France winner, sat down for an interview with Oprah Winfrey. She asked him, “Did you ever take banned substance to enhance your cycling performance?” He answered “Yes.” That was the beginning of his confession and apology.
Because he had for so long adamantly denied taking the drugs, many had difficulty swallowing the confession. They believe that he is sorry that he got caught but not actually sorry for violating the rules and the integrity of the sport.
If you were to ask your mate if they have ever questioned the sincerity of one of your apologies to them, what would they say? And if they believed that you were regretful that you found yourself in trouble rather than sorry for what you did, how did they feel? My suspicion is that it violated their trust and faith in you.
Being uncertain as to whether or not your partner is trustworthy undermines the cornerstone of the relationship. It is very hard to build on a relationship when that foundation is found to be shaky. So, my tip this week is that you spend a few moments in self-examination. Take a look at your heart condition. When you have offended your spouse, are you remorseful for what you did and the hurt you are responsible for or are you sorry that he or she found out? If you are truly sorry for what you did, you are on the right track. If you regret getting caught, I encourage you to take a closer look at your core values and see how your behaviors might better reflect them. Your spouse will appreciate it.