In a quote from a Fortune Magazine article, William H. Whyte said, “The great enemy of communication is the illusion of it.” That is an excellent picture of what so many individuals fall prey to. Your spouse wants you to communicate, so you make every effort to talk more with them. However, even though you try to step out of your comfort zone and be more verbal, the complaints persist. Why?
It is interesting to watch people in an office break room, in the work place, or at a party. I have seen people engaged in conversation, with one person perhaps dominating the conversation. Yet, when the conversation is finished, the one doing all the talking, may be heard to say about the other person – “She’s such a great conversationalist.” I used to be baffled by that statement, as the individual about whom this comment was made hardly got two words into the conversation.
It was then that I realized this truth – while talking may give the illusion of communication, in reality, being considered a great communicator did not mean that they were good at talking. It meant they were good listeners. You may think that as you wax eloquent that you are a good conversationalist, but the other person might say, “Ugh, not so much.”
The simple take away here is – if you want to communicate effectively, whether that be with your mate, your children, your co-workers, or whoever – learn to listen well. Somebody might just identify you as a great conversationalist.