I remember years ago hearing a comedy routine in which Bill Cosby talked about a child rolling his eyes at his parent. The parent’s response was something along the lines of “Don’t you roll those eyes at me – I’ll roll those eyes right out of your head.” All of us who have been parents have probably known that feeling at one time or another. It is almost expected that somewhere along the way, your teen will show you disrespect in this manner. But how about when your spouse reacts to you this way?
You may have just shared something of importance with your partner. It could be your thoughts about how you would like to redecorate the living room or ideas for your summer vacation. You have put thought into this and it is significant to you. After carefully laying out your perspective, your spouse responds with “Oh brother” and an obvious eye roll. How do you feel? How do you want to react? What did this non-verbal communication, this eye roll, tell you? That they listened intently and respectfully to your thoughts? More likely it communicated disrespect, belittling, and that your thoughts really don’t matter. It doesn’t feel good. It is devaluing. It is a conversation killer.
While we know how demeaning this feels – we have also been guilty of doing it to someone else. I encourage you this week, as you listen to your significant other – rather than roll your eyes in frustration or condescension – rather than take the easy way out of a conversation – stay engaged and truly give them your respect and consideration. That is the stuff that strong foundations are made of.