In a recent interview a number of therapists were asked about recommended strategies for overcoming conflict. This is such an important topic as unresolved conflict can severely erode the foundation of a relationship to the point that it begins to topple. I want to adapt a few of their responses today to apply toward the relationship you have with your partner.
- Ask your spouse what it is they need changed in order to feel better about the situation. When you do this, they feel that they are at least important enough in your life that you gave it some thought and are asking the question.
- Make it a priority to communicate meaningful information about your life. This needs to have depth. It needs to be more than just “how was your day?” “Fine.” It needs to be the kind of dreaming out loud “soul talk” that you used to do together.
- Be vulnerable enough to make a sincere effort to let your significant other know that you want to repair the breach – that you want to resolve the conflict. Sitting in the corner with your arms crossed waiting for the other person to make the first move does nothing to bridge the chasm. If they don’t respond to your initial effort, don’t give up. You will have other opportunities to make additional efforts. And they may be waiting to see if they are important enough to you that you will do so.
- Rise above the conflict. Take steps to do something generous and kind that will let the other person know that your care for them transcends whatever conflicts may exist. We will all have disagreements and conflict at times. But your spouse wants to know that you love and value them ALL the time – even in the midst of the most difficult conflicts.
Conflicts may be inevitable. But erosion of the relationship is not. Try taking steps this week to overcome conflict differently. Which of these four tips could you implement today?