I hope that everyone reading this knows nothing about patterns if abuse. It is my wish that none of you have ever been abused and certainly have never been an abuser. However, I know that this is not true. And the patterns I am referring to today are those of emotional abuse.
This is probably the hardest type of abuse to recognize. Yet, it is insidious. Take for example Steven and Kristen. Steven works outside the home while Kristen is a stay-at-home mom. They have three young children which keeps Kristen bouncing from one task, crisis, or near catastrophe, to another – constantly. Yet when Steven arrives home from work, all he sees is chaos and chides his wife, asking “What have you been doing all day – watching TV? This house is a wreck. I expect to come home to peace and order.”
Kristen struggles to defend herself but Steven doesn’t let up. “And you are always dressed in sweats. Can’t you put yourself together once in a while? You are always dealing with the kids and are never there to meet my needs.”
If you are thinking, “This guy is a real winner,” you are not alone. One author has described emotional abuse this way, “When one spouse habitually elevates his or her self-interest over the interests of the other.” That is certainly evident in Steven and Kristen’s relationship.
Sometimes emotional abuse is aggressive and involves yelling and threatening. Other times it can be passive with one person ignoring the other. But any way you slice it – it is inappropriate and unloving.
Hopefully, you are not in this kind of relationship, but you may know someone who is. Perhaps this week you could reach out to them and offer support. However, if you do find yourself in need of support, I pray you will be courageous enough to ask for help.