I recently heard a client make the statement, “My husband doesn’t accept me.” When I asked for her to give me more information, she went into a lengthy list: “I go to bed too early, I don’t vacuum correctly, I take too long getting ready in the morning, I don’t set the table the right way . . . and on and on the list went.
She even indicated that her desires weren’t correct. When I asked her to explain, she said that her husband had purchased all of the furniture in the house. As I turned to him with an inquiring look, he replied with surprise, stating, “We went together and bought the furniture.” She responded with, “Yes, we went together, but when I told you what I liked, you told me how that isn’t really what I like and that you know best what I want.” It was easy to see that this wife did not feel valued and accepted.
I sometimes see a husband or wife who has taken it upon themselves to rectify a perceived deficiency in their spouse. I have yet to find a man or woman who appreciates that approach. When our spouse appears to come at us from a more “correct” perspective, we begin to feel not good enough and perhaps even resentful.
What would happen this week if we tried something different? What if we came at our spouse with an attitude of radical acceptance? What if instead of criticizing how he or she loads the dishwasher I expressed gratefulness for the simple fact that they loaded the dishes? I strongly suspect that an attitude acceptance increases feelings of love and affection. So my tip this week is a simple one – try adopting an attitude of radical acceptance. You may love the results.