I continue to marvel on a daily basis that humans are even able to communicate. To take a thought in my head, that is wrapped in my context and experiences – put those thoughts into words – send them out into the air – you hear the words and funnel them through the filter of your context and experiences and then somehow understand each other – well. It’s truly amazing. Unfortunately, it doesn’t always happen this way.
For example, I saw a couple this week that have been struggling over the concept of where “home” is. They both talk about “home” thinking that they are saying the same thing. And yet, even as they use the same word, they find themselves at odds with each other and don’t know why.
This week we made an interesting discovery. She has pretty much lived in one or two cities her entire life. However, he grew up in a military family and moved constantly. Even now, he works out of town and has to stay about an hour and a half away, three to four days a week. What we learned this week is that “home” for her is a geographical place. While “home” for him is wherever they are together. Wow! Those are two very different understandings.
This drives home (no pun intended) for me the importance of making every effort to see my mate’s viewpoint through her lens, because when I do that, I just might gain a whole new level of understanding. And greater understanding leads to fewer arguments and increased bonding. So, my encouragement today is, especially when conflict occurs, make every effort to view situations through the lens of your spouse in order to truly gain understanding. The results can be powerful!