When is the last time you went to your partner and said – “I am broken, please fix me?” Or, “I have some flaws, would you please correct them for me?” As you read these questions, you probably are thinking that I’m nuts (I may be but that is a different discussion for another time). Because my guess is that you have never made those statements.
Yet, I see many spouses approach their marital relationship as though God has shown up on their doorstep and given them some divine edict to fix their spouse. Ok, perhaps that is an overstatement. But, if we are honest, many of us have at one time or another believed that we knew the best way to do some particular thing and we see it as our place to make the other person see it too. It may be something trivial, such as the best way to load the dishwasher or an issue that is a little more significant (though not much more) like the quickest route to take to the freeway. Whatever it might be, you may feel it is necessary to change their approach.
I sat last week with a premarital couple discussing personality trait differences. During the discussion of one particular trait of his which annoyed her, she said, “It’s not a big deal. I just figure I can change him after we are married.” If you have been married for any length of time, you know how naïve that statement is.
When we married, those vows came with an unspoken clause – “You know who I am, how I am, and the ways that I do things. Today, you are agreeing to accept me. Don’t decide later on that you are going to change my shopping habits or the way that I drive the car. You agree today to accept me – faults blemishes and all.”
Today’s tip – I encourage you to reflect on ways that you need to cease trying to fix your spouse and instead – accept and love him or her just the way they are.