I see far too many clients who are holding out for . . . any number of things that prevent them from engaging constructively in their marriage. For example, there may be an issue that is keeping you at odds with your spouse. You know that it needs to be brought up and discussed, but you think, “This is not a good time. I will wait for a better opportunity.” But you have been waiting and saying that for the past six months – and the issue remains. When is a better time actually going to present itself?
Another very common approach to an unresolved issue or difficult topic, is to wait for your husband or wife to break the silence and make the first move. This is not a winning strategy. I have seen couples go for years with an issue waiting to be discussed, which never happens. If either individual is asked why they don’t tackle the issue, they can default and say, “Well, he or she, could bring it up if they really wanted to discuss the topic.”
Finally, there are times when there are seemingly small issues that need to be confronted, but, well, they are small – and you think, “I don’t want to rock the boat over a trivial matter.” The problem is that rarely do trivial issues, over time, remain trivial. Instead, they have a tendency to fester and grow into big issues that could have been prevented, or at least minimized, back when they were more manageable.
So, rather than hang on to excuses for holding out for a better time, waiting for the other person to make the move, or not wanting to rock the boat – why not love your mate enough to take the first step and broach the needed topic? Getting those issues out of the way just might open avenues for increased closeness.