During a recent dinner conversation, while enjoying some great Mexican food, my friend Ed, who refurbishes houses, began to talk about different kinds of wall texturing. In his house they have a hand troweled texturing as opposed to the sprayed type. During the discussion, he mentioned that in one room of their house they sometimes pick out faces on the wall. They will ask each other in the family, “So, what face did you see on that wall today?”
As our conversation about this continued (no doubt, a result of too much chips and salsa), Ed pointed out that they don’t always see the same thing. One day they might pick out a kind face in the texture while the next day what they notice is perhaps more sinister. He has observed that different family members, as well as guests, see different things, and they find that what they see is even affected by the mood they are in on a given day.
Ok – weird thoughts this morning, you may be thinking. But as we talked about wall texture and faces, I couldn’t help but think about how we react to each other based upon what we think we see. Our spouse, child, or co-worker say something to us today and we take it in stride. But tomorrow they may make the same statement and we are hurt or offended. And even still, on a different day, we may find their words intriguing or even humorous. What’s the deal?
Communication can be so very fragile. How we hear and see things is affected by our mood and what is going on in our life. Typically we begin listening with a set of assumptions – good or bad, which then colors how we hear and receive things.
Today I encourage you to try something – begin every conversation, as you are listening, with a positive set of assumptions. Assume that the person speaking cares about you and is not out “to get you.” While they may or may not have your best interests at heart, beginning with optimistic assumptions will dramatically affect how you hear and receive their communication which could easily escalate into healthy dynamics. Give it a try this week. Who knows, you might see something on that relational wall that you’ve never seen before. And it just might be wonderful!