You find yourself in one of those discussions again that just doesn’t feel good. A disagreement has arisen with your spouse and you are trying to work through it. But something is eating at you. You find yourself irritated and you are not sure why. You feel as though you are being condescended to; almost as though the other person thinks he or she is better than you, but you can’t quite put your finger on what is triggering those feelings in you. One thought is that it could be related to the other person’s posture.
Studies have shown that people may work to increase their power in a conversation by some of the following non-verbal positions: sitting higher than their partners, putting their feet up, or lacing their fingers behind their neck. Also be aware that people in lower positions of power often sit lower and can find themselves being defensive and resentful. Now please understand that just because someone has their feet propped up doesn’t always mean that they feel superior, so be careful not to jump down their throat.
It is important to be aware of these non-verbal communications not so that you can nail your spouse when he or she appears to look superior, but so that you can monitor your own behaviors as you endeavor to communicate effectively. For example, when having a difficult conversation with someone, try to sit at the same eye-level with them and use body language that will create openness and safety. While encountering a dangerous animal that I want to scare off, becoming big – trying to appear large – is desired. However, this is not an effective tactic when I want to foster understanding with my mate.
So, this week I want to suggest that you take notice of your posture and body language when talking with your spouse. Strive to mirror his or her position level so that they will know you are in the thick of things with them. Let them know that indeed you are their partner!