While those sound like good kind words; an offer to assist, to provide support – individual’s reactions often don’t seem appreciative. Why? I have found myself trying to carry an armload of stuff (probably too much stuff) to the recycle bin, and my wife says, “Would you like some help?” To which I reply, “No, not yet.” Why? Why do I resist accepting help?
First, like most, I may feel as though I am giving up some kind of control. It may be that I am afraid my spouse won’t do it “the right way.” In other words, the way I want things done. I watch my three-year old granddaughter boss us around. Even at this young age, she has already learned the art of control. And with age, it only gets worse.
But what if I take a chance and give up some control? I may actually discover that it made the task easier, the world didn’t end if things weren’t done exactly as I would have done them, and it may actually have strengthened the bonds of trust with my mate.
Second, we may be fiercely independent. You have fought to become your own person, with your own identity, and accepting help might indicate you are not self-sufficient or that you are even weak. But is that really true? I have written before about independence vs. interdependence. If I think about it – being completely independent is a solo act. Is that what we want? Probably not. We got married because we wanted to be a team – to be interdependent. Accepting our partner’s help can encourage that balance and promote teamwork.
Today’s Tip – the next time your husband or wife offer to help, smile and say “Thanks, I’d love your assistance.”