Imagine that you received a promotion at work that came with a nice raise in your salary. This is a pleasant surprise and will provide money that you had not expected. So, what would you do with it? You are excited to share the news with your spouse, but when you do, a conflict ensues.
You had wanted to use the extra money for traveling to places the two of you have been dreaming and talking about. To you this is the obvious choice. However, your mate sees this as the perfect opportunity to refinish the wood floor and replace that old couch. What to do?
Conflict over money is a common issue in many marriages, so if you have experienced this, you are not alone. But what can you do to navigate this in a way that is honoring to both you and your spouse. Here are a couple of suggestions.
First, you might want to take a look at how money was approached in your family of origin. Did your parents save well and spend only as needed or did they spend money they didn’t have as though they did. Either way, early modeling most likely influenced your approach, just as it did your partner’s approach, to money. Awareness of your own influences as well as those of your spouse can make understanding their perspective a lot easier.
Secondly, examine how you view money. Is it a status symbol, do you use it to control people and situations, or do you just see it as a necessity? Those factors will also influence how you approach a possible windfall.
Understanding these two areas about yourself and each other can help make it easier for you to come to an agreement on what to do with the extra funds. Money doesn’t have to pose a conflict – it can actually provide an opportunity to connect and grow together.